I May be Weak, But in You, I Am Strong

Received my overall results for semester 1 and it wasn't fantastic. I did not feel upset about it, nor as disappointed as I thought I would have been. But still, I definately can, will and MUST do a lot better next semester! Fighting~ Got Credits for Media Audiences and Cultural and Communications Policy; Distinction for Newsroom Practice and Theory (my only joy); guess what, a Pass for Psychology 1A. Like I said, not great. You reap what you sow, and I could have put in more effort. However, I honestly thought I would have failed Psych, as it was a tremendous struggel for me. Praise God that I went through it, though not well enough. Still thank God for being with me throughout, plus I could have done worse without His strenght and wisdom. Now that I went through the assignments and exams of sem 1, I got to have better understanding of Monash's expectations and exam-pattern. So yeah, will not give up!! I can do it!! I can conquer this and score Distinctions, possibly Higher Distinctions even!! (Hehe, all things are possible with Him, without Him, no things are) God is my Banner!! I can emerge victorious! I am the head, and not the tail!!

School's starting on Monday. Having mixed feelings about it. I whine about missing school and working hard during holidays; whine about missing holidays when I have school and swamped with assignments. Sheesh. No lesson on Monday though, am going to collect my books which feel like they weight hundreds of kilograms. Can't wait to see my classmates and hang out with them too =D But this was a good holiday. Not too long nor short. Just fine for me to unwind.


Rebonded my hair today, and it is more tamed now. Thank goodness for this wonderful invention! Or else I would have looked......... O.O
Only my secondary school classmates and schoolmates knew how bad I looked. Please tell me my secret's safe with you. Anyways, my curls are gone, but not my waves! Oh, GOODBYE FRIZZ!! Wahahahahaha.


Am I that bad? Are my speech and behaviour's bitchy like you said I am? You think that I do not love you? I don't exactly grasp what you were saying, or shall I say, condemning... Scolding. Words that were like knife stabbing my heart. "We are hopeless in teaching her"; "I'm shocked at how you behave". I was just trying to negotiate. Make my stand. Emotions overwhelmed. Shouting. Tears from my part. I couldn't take it. Cried to God: Please don't abandon me. Cried to you: I don't understand anymore, I don't get it. I'm trying my best. Trying my best to respect you, obey you, please you. I'm not perfect. I'm only human. I couldn't supress my emotions. You had a 'closure' and assured me that you're just concern about my safety and would not have scold me if you don't love me and want me to be better. The next day you came in. I was silent and so were you. I hate this. I hate the so called after-effect. The time for you to be cooled down. But that time made me feel like a failure, an incompetent daughter. Then you went downstairs, and I thought: Oh shot, I forgot the blanket at the laundry shop! Why oh why did I forgot about it?? This shows even a worse image of me - irresponsibility, and the attitude of not caring. You then returned with the blanket in your hand. Sometimes my mind's just preoccupide, and not able to engage what you instructed. But, remember the number of errants I ran for you and the family? The queues to buy the coupon for you? The simple gifts which may be small but came from my heart? Expectations are hard to meet. One and a half-day of silence. Received a text message from my friend who couldn't make it to my invitation. Disappointed. Shakened. Waivered; nearly gave up on God, and thought: what's the point?? But no, I rebuke you, I will be forever faithful and hold on to Him. Today, I obeyed and joined you for dinner. Intial awkwardness, I did not greet you. Was it pride? Then I made the first move. Then, thank God that the storm is over. We had fun over good food, and spent quality time. I still love you, and never will cease loving you. And I'm sorry...

But the hurt hasn't gone entirely. I need to let go of the hurt. I need to look into myself. Maybe I need to prioritise? But, God, I want to be faithful to You, and put You first. Heavenly Father, You have said in Your word that the tongue is a powerful weapon. Control my tongue. Empower me, that I will be more wise, that I will be quick to listen and slow to talk. Forgive me for breaking your third commandment. Lord I want to be more obedient to my earthy parents, so as an act of obeying You as well. I want to be better O Lord. Change me Father, change me to grow in your image more and more, for You have called me to be holy and set me apart. Show and teach me Your ways God. I surrender myself wholly unto You. In Jesus's name, Amen.

Nobody knows, how weak I am
Better than You
Nobody sees, all of my needs
Better than You
And nobody has, the power to change me
To what I was born to be
Jesus be strong, in my weakness
Empower me

Chorus:
Empower me
Like a rushing river flowing to the sea
Lord, send your Holy Spirit
Flowing out through me
Till I'm living as Your child
Victorious and free
Send the power of Your love
Empower me

Nobody's eyes, see through my soul
Better than Yours
Nobody's love, can make me whole
No love but Yours
And nobody has, the power to lift me
To reach for eternity
Jesus break through all my defenses
Empower me